Empty Promises
by Silverflare07
Summary: It's not bad news if we don't hear it... .Kogan angst.


Okay, so this was originally posted to my Tumblr account, but someone wanted me to post it here so they could favorite it and read it again and again (although I'm not sure why you'd want to read it again and again since it's kind of sad), but I told them I would so I am. It's angst, pure angst, so um don't except to find any happy endings or fluff here. Sorry guys.

Also, I'm not sure how much overlapping their even is between these two fandoms, but I have an Austin and Ally story with an idea that's similar to this. Their both my stories so I don't really forsee it being a problem, just thought I would mention it.

And to help with any confusion, what's in _italics _are flashbacks, what's in **bold **goes together, and what's in normal print belongs together.

* * *

_"__Come on Kindle! Let's play!"_

_The blonde looks up to find his newest best friend smiling at him. There's a gap from where his front tooth had fallen out recently and it's make the crooked grin extra adorable. Kendall beams back, his own missing tooth highlighted as well. "Okay! What are we going to play 'Tense?"_

_The brunette shrugs. "Whatever you want."_

_"__Spidey-man?"_

_"__Okay!"_

_"__Can-can I be Spider-man?"_

_This makes the brunette stop. His brows furrow together as he thinks. "But then who can I be?"_

_"__Duh!" Kendall cries, laughing happily. "You're Mary Jane! That way," he grins again, dimples appearing as the corners of his mouth lift up, "you can stay with me forever and I'll always be able to save you."_

_"__Always?"_

_"__Of course." Kendall promises, crossing his heart, "you're my best friend."_

**"****It's not looking good, Mrs. Knight." **

**Jennifer tightens her grip on the motionless seventeen year old's hand. "Isn't there any other way? You don't understand Logan-my son…" she shakes her head. "This just seems cruel."**

**"****It can be considered that way." The man before her speaks calmly, because he knows how sensitive of a subject this can be. "But __****this**** is not healthy. We don't want to do it to hurt him, but there's a good chance he won't be able to pull out of this on his own. We can help."**

**"****You're sure this is the only way?"**

**"****We can give him some more time but I…well like I said, it's not looking good."**

"Logan, hurry up!" Kendall calls as he pounds on the bathroom door. "We were supposed to be at the studio ten minutes ago and I still need the shower!"

The door opens suddenly and the blonde has to stop short before he accidentally knocks his friend in the face.

"Alright alright," Logan teases and Kendall hopes he's not too obvious with the way he glances Logan up and down. The genius is only wearing a towel that is hanging dangerously low on his hips and Kendall has been harboring this crush on him for the past several months (read: years). "Don't get your boxers in a twist. I'm done." He glances around the empty apartment. "Where are James and Carlos?"

"Took the Big Time Rush mobile and went a head. We're hoping they can stall Gustavo long enough for Kelly to send a limo over for us and get us there before he explodes or something."

The brunette quirks an eyebrow but says nothing about the odd plan. "Alright then hurry up and get bathing!"

They're dressed and ready in record time, tumbling into the limo barely ten minutes after Logan had originally vacated the bathroom. They share a fist bump and grin as the limo pulls out into L.A. traffic.

"So, realistically," Logan asks, shifting in his seat so he can face Kendall completely, "do you think Carlos and James are helping the situation or aggravating it?"

"Oh aggravating it, absolutely." Kendall answers without a moment's hesitation. "But with any luck, Gustavo will be so annoyed with them that he won't even be worried with how late we are."

The genius smirks. "That was the real plan the whole time, wasn't it?"

Kendall's guilty grin is more than answer enough. The sound of horns blaring startle both boys and they turn to face the sound just in time to see a car run a red light. It swerves at the last second thankfully and instead of crashing into the limo, it runs into the crosswalk pole on the corner.

Both boys sit; backs ramrod straight and eyes wide, as they take a few minutes to process what has just happened. They turn to face each other, eyes still wide, and then whatever force moved that car to the right, pushes them together and Logan is practically crawling into the blonde's lap and moaning into the sloppy kiss. Kendall grips the shorter boy's hips, kissing him desperately. He lets out an appreciative growl as the genius' hand tangles itself in his hair and gives a few good tugs.

"Oh god." Kendall whispers breathlessly between kisses. "Love you. So much."

He's never been brave enough to say it before now, but considering how close they almost came to something horrible -not to mention the fact that Logan is _clearly _enjoying this as much as he is- spurs him into action.

"I." Logan kisses him. "Love." Another kiss. "You." Another. "Too."

"Ahem." They're pulled out of their daze by the sound of the limo driver's cough. "Guys," he smirks at them and then gestures out the window to where Rocque Records is standing, "we're here."

Kendall shoots the drive an apologetic grin. "Sorry." He says, even though he's not sorry at all.

**"****No…you're right." Jennifer sighs and smoothes down the hair on her son's head, wishing, not for the first time, that when he turns to look at her, he'd really see her. "Kendall, sweetie?"**

**The teen turns, gaze still vacant and Jennifer nearly cries. "Mom? What are you doing here?"**

**"****I-I brought someone to see you." She gestures to the man standing before them. **

**"****Hi, Kendall." The older gentleman smiles, his voice gentle and soothing. "It's nice to meet you. You can call me Mike. I'm here to talk to you about Logan."**

**"****What about Logan?" The blonde's voice is defensive, a startling contrast from the dull and listless monotone its taken as of late.**

**Mike nods to Jennifer, simultaneously signaling that everything is okay and asking her to give him some privacy to work with the boy. Sighing, Jennifer does just that, walking away with a heavy heart.**

"You want to know something crazy?" Kendall asks as Logan snuggles closer to him on the couch.

The blonde has a blanket wrapped around them both and they're both enjoying the cozy silence of a rainy afternoon spent together. "What?" Logan asks, shifting a little so that he can see his boyfriend.

"I always knew I was going to be with you for the rest of my life. Ever since the teacher introduced you to the class and you kept your eyes trained on your sneakers way back in third. I knew."

Logan chuckles. "Which is why you guys pantsed me and put fart on me signs on my back…"

"Hey now!" Kendall laughs and pokes his boyfriend's nose. "I was trying to make friends. And it worked!"

"No…" Logan raises and eyebrow. "It isolated me from my peers for an entire year and gave me a complex that everyone who hurt me was actually doing it with good intentions…"

"I said I was sorry!"

The genius laughs. "I know. And it's okay, I forgave you ages ago. Besides," He laces their fingers together, "I'm not worried about the past. I'm more interested in the here and now."

"What about the future?" Kendall asks, suddenly very interested on the TV in front of them, which is off.

"Huh? What do you mean what about the future?"

"Well…" And Logan watches in amazement as Kendall's entire face slowly turns a brilliant shade of red. "The truth is…okay, look. I don't exactly have a ring or anything yet, but I already know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I can't imagine ever being with anyone else and I don't even want to try. You're my best friend, hands down, and I've been nothing but incredibly happy since you decided to be my friend in fourth grade. And, if you'll let me, I'd like the chance to be able to return the favor. Will you marry me, Logan? So that I can have the chance to try and make you even a fraction of as happy as you've always made me?"

He finishes his little speech and turns to face his boyfriend, eyeing the shorter boy nervously. Logan's brown eyes are wide and wet with tears. He takes a shaky breath before his entire face lights up and he sends Kendall the most genuinely happy smile the blonde has ever seen. "Yes. Of course I will Kendall!"

The genius moves closer, sealing the distance between them. This, Kendall decides as Logan's lips move against is, is all he's ever going to need to be happy for the rest of his life.

**"****This is for the best." James reassures Jennifer Knight who's still pacing nervously. She's only been away from her son for about ten minutes but she can't shake the dread that's creeping into her chest.**

**"****I know. But I'm his mom. I'm always going to want to prevent anything from hurting him."**

**"****But he can't keep doing this forever." Carlos tells her, turning sad brown eyes to face the older woman. "We need him, Mama Knight. And he needs us."**

**"****You're right." She tries to smile, but it's half-hearted at best. "I just wish I could at least be in there with him."**

**"****He'll be okay, Mom." Katie speaks up, her voice sounding tiny and scared and so unlike her. "Kendall's strong."**

**"****Yeah but-" James' voice catches and he has to take a second to collect himself. "Not when it comes to-"**

**"****NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" **

**The sound of Kendall's anguished cry sends Katie running into her mother's arms. Jennifer Knight starts to sob at the sound of her son's voice and James and Carlos both fall into the plastic chairs, reaching out blindly for each other until their hands finally connect. **

**It's not much…but at least it's something to hold on to.**

"Kendall?"

The sound of his fiancé's groggy voice draws the blonde's attention away from the notebook he's currently scribbling ideas in. He'd been unable to fall asleep and rather than toss and turn all night and keep Logan awake, he'd opted for moving out into the living room and trying to work on some song ideas he'd been struggling with. He turns to find a sleepy Logan, complete with bed stand, leaning against the doorframe and looking at him quizzically.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" He's not sure how he could have woken up the genius, but he asks just the same.

Logan shakes his head. "No. The bed just felt weird, empty. It woke me up. Come back to bed, Kendall."

The blonde shakes his head. "I can't sleep. I don't want to keep you up all night tossing and turning."

Logan smirks and makes his way over to where Kendall is sitting before dropping softly into the taller boy's lap. "I think," He kisses the other man soundly, "I know of a way to help get you to sleep…" He rocks his hips forward leaving little doubt about his intentions.

Kendall smirks in return, reaching out grab the smaller man's waist. "Have I told you lately that I love you? Or that you're amazing?"

"It may have come up…" Logan moans as Kendall moves to nip and suck at his neck.

And that's the end of any serious conversation…at least for the rest of the evening.

**"****Kendall, please listen to me." Mike keeps his voice calm and steady; trying not to let the pain he feels for the teenager before him show. ****"I know you don't want to hear this. I know it hurts to hear this. But you need to listen to me. Logan is dead. I know this loss is hard for you. Your mother tells me that Logan was very special to you. And I think that's why your-"**

**"****No!" Kendall screams again, jumping from the chair that he'd been previously sitting listlessly in. "You're lying!" **

**But he's sobbing as he screams, so Mike -or Dr. Erikson as he's usually called- knows that at least something of what he's been saying has been getting through.**

**"****You're lying!" Kendall repeats, both hands clamped over his ears as he slides to the floor, his entire body racked with sobs. "Why are you lying?"**

**The door bursts open suddenly and Jennifer Knight runs into the room. "I'm sorry," She tells Dr. Erikson. "But I need to be here for him. Especially through this."**

**The doctor nods. He doesn't usually like other people interacting with the patient until he's sure they're better able to handle the situation, but he's beginning to suspect that Kendall Knight probably really needs his mother. **

**"****Come here, baby." Jennifer coos as she kneels down next to her son and pulls him to her. "It's okay, Kendall."**

**"****Why's he saying that mom?" Kendall hiccups through his tears and Jennifer's heart breaks at the sound. "I love Logan. We're going to get married. He can't be-he just can't be!"**

**And there's nothing Jennifer can say to that, nothing that will magically make everything okay. So instead she just pulls him closer and rocks him gently while he clings to her and cries.**

_"__I don't know what else to do." Jennifer admits to both Carlos and James. "I hate to burden you guys with this, but you've noticed it too, right?"_

_They both nod. "Everything was okay when he was in the hospital, you know? He was so sad, but he knew what was going on. But then he finally got to come home and the first thing he did was ask where Logan was."_

_"__When we told him he, well, he got really quiet. The next day he didn't look at us or talk to us. I don't even understand how he's still functioning. I heard him talking to himself the other day…he was debating whether or not it was the right time to propose to Logan…"_

_Jennifer lifts a hand to her mouth, eyes welling up. "We need to get him help, don't we?"_

_The boys in front of her both nod solemnly. "Yeah. We do."_

**Kendall shudders at the sight of the tombstone before him. "Logie?" **

**Flanked on either side of him, James and Carlos both nod solemnly. **

**"****How-how long?"**

**"****A couple months. I mean, a month of it you were in the hospital and everything was okay. But when you got home you…" Carlos trails off as he struggles to figure out how to describe the situation.**

**"****The doctor says you could handle it when your body was healing because your mind had something else to focus on." James picks up, seeing that the shorter boy isn't able to continue. "But I guess when you got home and had nothing else to distract you…you're brain just sort of protected you."**

**"****So the car that almost hit us…"**

**"****It did hit you, Kendall. Logan's side took the brunt of the crash. He…" Carlos chokes on his own words, but know he's has to finish them …for Kendall's sake. "They say he died instantly."**

**"****We were never together?" Kendall has to ask, because it's really hard to distinguish between what's actually happened and what was his brain trying desperately to protect him.**

**"****No." Carlos answers softly.**

**"****And I never…I never asked him to marry me?"**

**It's James who shakes his head this time. "I'm sorry, Kendall."**

**Kendall bows his head, trying desperately to stop the flow of tears. It feels like he hasn't stopped crying since that day in the hospital nearly a week ago when he'd looked up into his mom's face as she'd held him and seen her, really seen her -not as a happy woman who was helping her son plan his wedding to the love of his life, but as a heart broken woman who had already lost one son and was on the brink of losing another.**

**He drops to his knees and reaches out, tracing Logan's name on the marble slab. His breathing hitches as he traces over the dates signifying his best friend's birth and his death. He can't believe that this is all the shorter boy comes down to, everything he ever was summed up in a single - that resides between eight numbers. Kendall's whole world has been reduced to a dash and it breaks his heart all over again to finally be starring the truth in the face. **

**"****Can-can we just go home, please?" Kendall begs, his voice small and pitiful.**

**"****Of course, buddy." James helps him stand and both he and Carlos wrap their arms protectively around him as they walk back towards the car. **

**Kendall watches the cemetery with heart broken eyes as he waits for James and Carlos to climb into the car. He wishes he could escape back into his mind, where there wasn't this intense pain and Logan was still there to smile and laugh with him. But he knows he can't. He's got to keep going. For James and Carlos. For his mom and Katie. For Logan. He knows exactly what the genius would say if he could hear his thoughts. "It's the only life you got Kendall," he'd tell the blonde with a dimply smile and happy laugh, "so you gotta live it Big Time." **

_**I love you, Logie****. **_**He thinks to himself as he watches the cemetery get smaller and smaller until it disappears from view completely. He takes a deep breath and smiles slightly as he finds the pain his chest is just a little bit lighter.**___**Goodbye****.**_

* * *

Well, there it is. Um, just in case there's still any confusion, what was in bold was what was really happening and what was in normal print was what Kendall had imagined in his head.

Yeah, that's pretty much all there is to say about this. Oh, well I have like, well, honestly about forty or so Kogan stories on my Tumblr. Would anyone be interested in seeing them on here? They're not quite drabbles, but I don't know if most of them would be long enough to be stand alone stories. But I thought, if you guys were interested, I could just make one big story, were each chapter was different one-shot, almost drabble like thing. Some of them have more than one part or are pretty long so I'd make them their own stories but for the rest I thought I'd just put them into one story and just update it whenever I wrote a new fic on Tumblr?

What do you guys think? If enough people are interested I'll go a head and do it (:


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